There’s Always the Option of Doing Nothing

Have you ever felt you were trapped in an empty, abandoned place, with no way out?

We like to think we are the makers of our destiny. We want to think we will in time accomplish our goals and that our choices are endless. But those choices will work for us or against us, and will more than likely determine whether or not we achieve our goals. It’s what paralyzes some of us into choosing the option of doing nothing. 

Sometimes though, that might not be the worst thing we can do. Do something or do nothing. That leaves the door open to the opportunity of doing the right thing, the wrong thing or that thing that just really doesn’t matter, or for the moment of doing nothing. Goals require commitment, and as we work toward those goals, sometimes what the commitment itself requires changes along the way. And, it’s that change itself that might actually get in your way.

In its own way, the option of doing nothing is an action all in itself. It opens the path to not giving up, not moving forward in an unproductive direction, yet leaving all options available. We, all of us, tend to believe that when we choose one option, that excludes the others—and that’s not always true—it’s just how we tend to view it. Maybe, sometimes it’s the absolutely easiest way to view it? 

Through life, we continue to learn to know ourselves. Our attitudes and behaviors change over time, we re-define who we are, and as a result, our decisions and actions change. The option of doing nothing isn’t a cop-out, but in a way, it’s a time-out, making time to change direction, to re-program our course.

Moving forward, being persistent, meeting challenges are good things, as long as you know the “who, what, when, where, how and why’s.” Yet, it’s probably safe to say, most of us reach a point, maybe reach that point many times over, when we can’t answer those questions. Things change. We want to move forward, but may not be sure quite how, or in what direction. 

Choosing the option of doing nothing doesn’t mean we won’t continue on our path, it only means we look at it again, make corrective changes, and then move forward once again.

Note to Self ...

Have you ever felt like this...? “I didn’t mean to do it (fill in the blank here). I knew what I should do, I knew in my heart-of-hearts it was working and would continue working, and I did it anyway. I messed-up. I know it. Emotionally, it was a bad day. It was a bad week. I let myself down. And the rewards I reaped from that letdown turned out to be pretty doubtful at best. And short-lived.”

Give yourself a break. Most of us have been there. After all, we’re not perfect. We’re human.

Augusten Burroughs author of ‘Running With Scissors,” “Magical Thinking,” and "Dry" wrote: Think of your head as an unsafe neighborhood—don’t go there alone. 

That might be a little extreme, but maybe not totally off-base. This is why teams are so important when we are navigating through—it. Team building is a high-impact learning experience. Team members quickly discover that diversity is their greatest asset, and that trust, cooperation, and effective communication are the keys to their success. People on teams tend to like each other and work hard to develop and maintain relationships—they don’t want to let each other down.

This results in open and direct communication, frequent praising of each others’ contributions, and mutual support. Personal and team growth provides an additional basis for sustained motivation. When people feel they are moving forward, learning new behaviors, and contributing to a personal or special cause, motivation remains high. 

Whether you know it or not, you are probably on several teams—your family is a team, you and your fellow workers or officemates are a team, you may be on a committee, you may be on a formal team at work, you may play sports—you get the idea. You can create your teams and choose the teams you want to be on. Teams are powerful things.

There have been times, and there will be others when you let yourself down. You know better, you do it anyway. You left the team and entered that “unsafe neighborhood.” The good news is, you can always go back. You can get back on-board. 

Really, wouldn’t you rather be a participant, than an onlooker, watching from the sidelines?

The Road to Our Resolutions

It's getting close to that time of year. We’ve all made resolutions, usually about once a year when January 1 rolls around, resolutions about working toward healthier habits, and ultimately, better health. And, we’ve all, at times veered away from our best intentions, usually unintentionally. This says, “we’re human. It’s what we humans do.” And, it also says we sometimes end up doing what we don’t intend to do or want to do. That’s part of what makes us human. When we make a resolution, or set our sights on a goal we want to meet—and then we don’t, that also makes us human. Maybe not happy with ourselves, but human.

So if we don’t give up, we try again, and maybe we try harder. We fall down six times, we get up seven. But, just how hard are we supposed to try? How hard is this wellness stuff supposed to be?

Actually, it’s about as hard as we make it. It’s really pretty simple. It’s just not easy. So, which is it? 

Well, like life, it’s a long chain of choices. There are “cues” all around us that move us toward or away from the choices we make—and the reasons why. We make certain choices because we think they are better for us. We associate the choices we make with comfort or denial, success or failure. And, sometimes we choose one thing over another without even knowing why. (Do you know that by simply believing something is good for you, or believing it tastes good, you attribute a higher value to it—and eat more of it. As an example, if you see an expensive looking name on a bottle of wine, you will tend to drink more of it. If you buy it on sale, you’ll appreciate the bargain and drink still more.)

Now, let’s think about less . . . because less of something is also a choice. Less isn’t necessarily about deprivation. As an active choice, less of something can actually be more (no this isn’t gobbledygook, there is a point), depending on how you choose to look at it. Less food can mean better health (more health). It can mean weight loss (more health). It can mean success as you go after your New Year’s resolution (more health). You probably have the idea by now. And, where ideas are concerned, here’s a wild one . . . we know it’s socially acceptable to support each other when we’re trying to break the smoking habit. Think what we could accomplish, individually and collectively, if we made eating a less socially acceptable habit?

Here’s a final thought on the choices we make, the reasons we make them, and what we hope to achieve with our New Year’s resolution of working toward better health and healthier habits. Have you ever thought about what you can accomplish if rather than focusing on what you “have” to give up, you focus instead on what you will get in return?

The "ME" Project

We should all have one. Each of us is that important—important enough to warrant a special project that revolves around who we are. Sure, we can whine about what’s wrong—but we can—and should—also celebrate what is right. And, that’s certainly where the focus should be. That’s what we build from, and on. Right? That’s where change comes in and that includes the positive changes we set as goals.

Now think about this . . . if you re-direct your behavior often enough, you change your behavior. And, your attitude toward what influenced that behavior changes. You are thinking for a change. Literally.

But, change is not always a rational process. 

To change behavior, you have to address the conceptual “framework” the behavior fits into. “In one ear and out the other.” Sound familiar? How about, “don’t confuse me with the facts?”  (Don’t mess with my conceptual framework.) If ‘facts’ contradict a framework you’re familiar with (your current lifestyle behaviors are harmful to your long-term health, and in fact studies show those behaviors have a 75 percent chance of eventually killing you), your first thought will probably be, “that can’t be right. Those numbers must be wrong.”

We have an astounding ability to resist change. So, we have to change the framework where that behavior lies, and to do this, we have to create a new and improved framework that will accommodate our new behavior—and do it in a way that makes us feel really good about what we’re trying to accomplish (changing these few behaviors will improve your quality of life and long-term future, as well as that of your family). 

There’s absolutely no scientific reason we can’t change. You’ve probably changed jobs, cars, houses and apartments. Maybe you’ve changed careers. Maybe you’ve changed spouses. Most of us have changed our opinions on different topics. Some of us change political views, our tastes in music and art and even our tastes for certain types of food . . . ah ha! 

Now it’s time to apply those changes you want to make,  for yourself, to your very own “ME” project.

The Ritual of Food

Whether a habit, a rite, or a ceremony, most of us have food rituals. Do you tap the top of a can before pulling the tab? Do you eat the filling first and then the cookie? Do you dunk an Oreo in milk? Do you cut the crusts off of your bread? Do you slice your sandwich in half or at an angle? Do you stir your coffee exactly 12 times and then tap the spoon against the mug three times? 

If yes, you’re not alone. A recent study published last month in the journal Psychological Science finds that the little rituals you bring to the table make eating and drinking more enjoyable. Flavor is intensified and the meal enjoyed more.  

In the study, those participants who performed rituals reported they savored the items more than those who did not engage in rituals. The rituals that study participants exhibited boosted involvement in the eating and  drinking experiences. Here’s the bad news. The study also found that performing a ritual enhanced the amount consumed.

It seems the ritual becomes a mindset, a way we approach food. And, if it at least in part determines the way we think about and approach food, it also in part determines the way we eat it. Now here’s an interesting idea...

What if we develop new rituals? Rituals that revolve around healthy food choices. How about a broccoli or squash ritual? And, can rituals work in the other direction? What if we have negative rituals around white carbs, soft drinks, donuts, ice cream and cake? Well, it doesn’t sound like much fun, but it is food for thought—and maybe action. With a little practice, maybe a new habit is just waiting to become a future ritual. 

What food ritual would you develop? Let me know.